Figured You Out
by KBones
Summary: Now I never though Uncle Barney would settle down, get married, the whole package but it seems fate has a plan for us all, and a soul mate for us all too. This is the story of how Barney met the woman that captured his heart. Barney/OC
1. Starting Something

**Kitti here with her first How I Met Your Mother story. Now i'm absolutely addicted to this show and I just adore the character of Barney. He is just awesome! Anyway i'm going to stop rambling and say enjoy the story. I will be updating this freqently.**

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><p><em>Figured You Out – Chapter 1 – Starting Something.<em>

Well kids, your Uncle Barney is definitely a one of a kind guy; always getting himself, Uncle Marshall and I in trouble. He is one of my closest friends-

_-AHEM_

Sorry Barney, he is one of my _best_ friends. There are so many crazy stories about our adventures I can tell you, but the one in particular is special. It's the story of how he met Auntie Mac. Now I never though Uncle Barney would settle down, get married, the whole package.

_Yeah I gave her the whole package, yeah, I went there. Can I get-_

-Anyway it all started with….

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><p>Barney groaned and rolled over in the bed. He didn't quite remember the night; he blamed having a drinking match with Ted, which he won of course. The figure under the covers indicated the woman he seduced was still asleep; he could sneak out and avoid all that touchy feeling morning stuff. He stretched and swung his legs over the side of the bed, unfortunately he took the covers with him.<p>

Barney screamed and jumped away from the bed. There wasn't a woman in the bed; in fact it wasn't even a human in the bed. It was a dog, not just any dog; a big, obviously angry Rottweiler. The dog growled at Barney and jumped up onto all fours. Barney backed up until his back hits the wall. What the hell had happened last night and where was he? It must've been a prank. Yeah, it must have been Ted and Marshall. He began to frantically glance around the room for his clothes when a woman ran in and began to stroke the dog. She was pretty, and by the slight sway in her walk, obviously as hung over as he was. Once the dog had stopped growling and curled up again the woman looked to him.

"Sorry about Zane, he likes to sleep in my bed. I didn't think he would jump up there with a stranger in it." She chuckled slightly and stood up. "I'll leave you to get dressed." She went to walk out the room and paused, glancing back at him. "And yes, No dog involved." She laughed and walked out the room. A look of relief crossed Barney's face. He was twisted, but not _that_ twisted. He quickly grabbed his clothes that were thrown about the room and got dressed, being very careful of the sleeping dog.

Barney poked his head out of the bedroom to look around for the woman and grinned when she wasn't in sight. He then began to quickly move to the door when she walked out the kitchen with a pot of coffee in her hand. She raised an eyebrow slightly and the corners of her mouth tilted up into a small smile.

"Dude, there is no need to rush off like I'm a psychotic woman who wants to force you in a relationship. Sit down, have a coffee and let me make you breakfast, then you can run off and never call me again." She paused, and set the coffee down on the table. "Just think of it as a thank you for one of the best nights in my life." Barney eyed her cautiously before walking over to the table and sitting down, might as well not turn up a free breakfast. She walked back into the kitchen and could be heard moving about. Barney poured himself a cup of coffee and took a long sip and grinned to himself.

Not long after that the most delicious smell came wafting in from the kitchen followed by the woman walking in with two plates and set them on the table, sitting down afterwards. Eggs, bacon, tomatoes, toast; it was a very nice fry up. The woman ate in silence; Barney took this chance to eye her up. She was slightly shorter than him with brown hair that was in loose curls, it framed her face and fell to her middle back. When she looked up at him he noticed she had grey eyes. A pretty good rack too. Not too big, not too small, just the perfect handful she had several hickys down her neck. She smiled slightly and Barney quickly began to eat. This was slightly awkward.

The food was good; it was actually rather nice waking up to a breakfast and coffee of course if he wanted that at home he could always hire a maid, actually that was a good idea. She could cook for him, clean for him. No no what was he thinking; no woman would be a regular in his apartment, not after Lily. He finished his food and drained his coffee just as she did. He stood up and nodded to her.

"Thank you for breakfast…Miss….?" He forgot her name; did she even tell him her name? She didn't look all that offended.

"Roxy. My name is Roxy." She paused and sipped her coffee. "And if you ever wanted to hook up again, I believe my number is written on your arm."

Barney rolled up his sleeve and sure enough, in blue ink was her name and phone number. He chuckled slightly before heading out the door. That was certainly one of the weirdest mornings he had woken up to. Still he did write her number down on a piece of paper before washing it off.

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><p>He never did call her back. But fate has a funny way of making people bump into each other.<p> 


	2. That Girl In The Corner of the Bar

**Woo, Back again with Chapter 2 hope you enjoy it. Big thank you for everyone who reviewed chapter one and a bigger thank you to my friend Rurrlock-God of Power for kicking me into gear and getting me to write.**

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><p><em>Figured You Out – Chapter 2 – That Girl In The Corner of the Bar<em>

Fate is a funny thing kids. People say that everything happens for a reason, so it's best not to fight it when it wants something because when Fate wants something. It will do anything to get it.

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><p>"So, I downed the drink and beat the guy, then got the girl. You guys should've been there, it was legen… wait for it… DARY! Yeah!" Barney slammed his hand down on the table and drained the rest of his drink. There was a small chorus of half-hearted laughs from the group.<p>

"Who wants a refill?" Ted asked and was about to stand up when Carl walked over and placed several shots on the table. "What's this?"

Carl shrugged and gestured to the woman who was sitting at the bar, the group all turned to look at her. She raised her glass and smiled. Ted smiled back, she was pretty. Barney caught the look and shook his head. He knew that look anywhere. It was the look that Ted got when he thinks he's found his soulmate. He waved her over, and to everyone's surprise she shook her head and turned back to the bar. Barney saw the look of hurt on Ted's face and stood up, walking over to the girl. He stood behind her and rested on hand on the side of the bar.

"You buy us all drinks, but you will not come and drink with us?" He whispered into her ear. She turned to face him and smirked slightly. He could feel Ted's eyes burning a hole in the back of his head.

"I didn't think you would want me to come and drink with you and your friends, Barney." She placed a hand on his chest and pushed him away from her slightly. "Your friend looks like he wants to murder you."

Barney wasn't listening; he was too busy racking his brains trying to figure out who the girl was. He caught a glimpse of several very faded hickeys down the side of her neck and a switch clicked in his brain.

"Roxy?" He said. She nodded and smiled faintly. He grinned and slid an arm around her waist, and then began to steer her in the direction of the table. Roxy was honestly surprised he remembered her name; it had been a week and a half already most guys would've forgotten their one night stands. As they approached the table Ted gestured to Robin to move up, she gave him a little dirty look and moved up slightly.

"Guys, this is my friend Roxy. Roxy meet Ted, Robin, Lily and Marshall." He gestured to them all in turn. Roxy smiled and sat in the space next to Ted.

"It's nice to meet you all."

Marshall was busy staring at the shots that were still untouched.

"So what exactly is that? It looks yummy."

Roxy grinned, placed her elbow on the table and rested her chin in her hand. "That my friend is Baileys and Kahua, topped with whipped cream, otherwise known as a-"

"-Blowjob." Barney cut across her and smirked. Roxy mirrored his smirk with one of her own.

"Exactly."

Lily giggled slightly. " Yep and when you drink it you're not allowed to touch the glass with your hands."

Marshall, Ted and Robin stared at Lily. She giggled again and shrugged her shoulders.

"College bars are fun. Right let's have a contest to see who can down it first." Lily placed the shots in front of everyone, but they were one short. Roxy leaned back in the chair. "Oh come on Rox' we'll get you one so you can join in." It was obvious Lily was slightly tipsy; she waved to Carl and yelled out 'can we have another Blowjob please?" Several people turned to look at the group, Robin and Ted ducked. Marshall was too busy staring at Lily to notice and Roxy was just laughing. Barney grinned and looked at Lily.

"Sure Lily you ca-"

"_Don't _even finish that sentence Barney." Marshall growled. Barney chuckled and held up his hands just as Carl brought the last shot over. They set everything up and on the count of three they all went for their glasses.

Robin, Ted and Marshall all choked slightly and sprayed the drink across the table. Roxy, Barney and Lily all succeeded in downing their shots. But who downed it first? And why was Barney so good at doing that?

Barney grinned and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I'm just good with my mouth, I'm awesome like that."

Robin snorted slightly but covered it with a choke. Roxy grinned and turned to Lily.

"Well done Lily. I think we're definitely going to have to have a rematch." Lily giggled loudly and nodded.

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><p>And that was how the rest of the night went; knocking back shots, laughing, and generally having a good time. We learned a little about Roxy during that time; she was working odd jobs. She'd just recently broken up with her long term boyfriend. I was secretly happy about that, I thought I could get with her. Of course, a certain Uncle of yours had already beaten me to it. But as I said, everything happens for a reason.<p>

Where was I…Oh, I remember..

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><p>A little while later everyone began to filter away from Maclaren's and head home until only two remained. It was cold out by this time and Roxy shivered lightly; being in a dress had its downfalls, Barney put an arm around her and pulled her close. She giggled and rested her head against his shoulder.<p>

"So." Roxy said with another small giggle.

"So?" Barney repeated.

"I saw you eying up several girls tonight, yet you didn't make a single move on any of them. How come?"

Barney shrugged and grinned. "Well, I've already got a beautiful girl on my arm."

"Are you planning on taking me home, Mister Stinson?"

"Do you want me to take you home Miss…Roxy. What is your last name?"

Roxy shrugged and trailed a hand down his chest. "Now that would be telling." She trailed her hand up and tilted his head towards hers, her lips quickly claiming his own.


End file.
